Grief And Eating

Posted on March 19, 2014 by theffkid

During the month of March, I have been doing this awesome photo a day that is put on by blogger Fat Mum Slim. While the posts are generally lighthearted in nature, Day 18 caused me to look back on a very challenging time in my life that exposed a lot of my personal demons with eating and the importance put on it.

In the week of March 18, 2009, Megan and I were the leaders for a spring break mission trip to Boulder, Colorado to help serve the vast homeless population in that area. Our group left Abilene incredibly excited with a fire for service that was stronger than any other trip I had been on. We stopped in Amarillo for the night and when we all got situated in our hotel, I got a call from my Dad. I just figured he had called to talk about the trip. Nothing major. I walked out in to the hallway and answered. He had gotten a call from a family friend regarding two of my closest friends, Travis and Rachel Joiner. My Dad said something had happened to Rachel, but I didn’t quite understand what he was saying. At first, I thought they had just been in a car accident, but nothing serious. Then, what he actually said came through clearly: they had both been murdered by Rachel’s deranged ex-boyfriend. I immediately dropped to the floor and sobbed. I sat in the hallway of that hotel for what felt like hours. Eventually, Megan came out to see what was the matter and we just sat and cried.

“Where do I go from here?” I thought. “How am I going to lead this group after this?”

After a night of anger and mourning, I woke up and we kept driving. The rest of the group knew about what had happened, but we didn’t talk about it. Instead, I tried to keep up the goofy and funny Nathan persona, but inside I was empty.

The first few days of the trip were fine, but then I got a call from my Dad. Travis’ family wanted me to be a pallbearer. I remember my Dad calling me while I was driving and I told him that I couldn’t talk. That was the end of that conversation. I knew that it wasn’t feasible to fly to a town of 1,900 people in the middle of west Texas. I knew that I was a leader of this trip and I needed to guide our group. I knew that if I stayed in Colorado, I wouldn’t have to deal with the grief I was burying inside.

I didn’t really know how to handle my grief at that time in my life. What I quickly realized was that I handled it like I did with everything else in my life: with eating. I tried to eat as much as possible to fill that void in my heart. I did everything I could to just not be sad. For me, that was eating out with the group. When we finally got back from Colorado, the eating didn’t stop. I kept eating to make the hurt just go away. But the more I ate, the worse I felt. It was a vicious cycle that I couldn’t control. I was on the border of completely losing control of my life.

I eventually went down to see Travis and Rachel’s family a little more than a year later. About six weeks before we moved to Tallahassee. It gave me the amount of closure, but I still carry a certain amount of hurt and I really don’t know if it will ever go away.

I can’t really sugarcoat this post or try to tie it up with some inspirational message. Frankly, that’s not the point of this post. I would like to think that through the challenges I endured that year have made me a stronger person. That they somehow have gotten me through, or will get me through, some other dark times in my life. What I do know is that this is something I don’t usually talk about. I obviously don’t go in to detail about this all the time. Really, this was the first time I’ve written out my thoughts about what had happened. Five years later, I really needed that. Thank you for listening and for being such a special community that I can share this with. I love you all.

Some New Ambassadorships and Other Awesomeness

Posted on March 14, 2014 by theffkid

HELLO PEOPLE WHO LIKE TO READ!

I’ve always been weary of saying “it’s been so long since I’ve posted,” but…well…it’s been so long since I’ve posted. So much so that I don’t even know where to begin.

Well, I guess I’ll start with this: SXSWEDU WAS AWESOME!!! I’m planning on doing a full recap in the near future, but I think the fortune I got while I was driving down to Austin from my parents’ house describes it pretty well. Since I’m kind of a fortune cookie fanatic, I actually had two other additional fortunes that described the trip really well: “A visit to a strange place will bring you a renewed perspective” and “getting together with old friends bring new perspective.” I was a little freaked out how accurate they ended up being.

Anyway, between driving through an ice storm on the way to Austin, having a flat tire outside of Austin, and having Delta randomly cancel my flight, it was quite the adventure. It was also a great time with my family, some close friends, and to come back with some great ideas and concepts to incorporate in to my work at Florida State.

Oh yeah, and I ate a ton of BBQ. But more on that in my recap post.

In other news…

I have two really cool announcements to share with you! I’m an official ambassador for two ridiculously awesome groups!

Back in the fall, I had applied for an ambassadorship for Fitfluential, a worldwide online community of health enthusiasts that works and partners with some of the top fitness brands. I really didn’t know if it was going to happen, but it did! I’m so stoked! I’m excited to hear more about what all the ambassadorship entails.

The other awesome ambassadorship is with this hilarious and cool group called imfitpossible. Their description of what they look for in an ambassador was soooooo me “We are looking for creative, positive, enthusiastic people, who don’t take themselves too seriously and want to join a real, social, fun community.” Well… at least I have the “people who don’t take themselves too seriously” part down pretty well. On the right is what they put on Instagram this evening after it was announced that I was in. It was easily the best introduction anyone has ever given me. (In case you were wondering, the poop reference is graphically explained here. And the whole mustache thing is explained here.)

So with these two ambassadorships I get two things I need/want right now. The first, is an encouragement to write. Both come with the opportunity for product reviews and stuff like that, but I’m Fit Possible requires a writing an original post every 4-6 weeks which is going to be a lot of fun. Second, both communities come with an awesome level of accountability. I came back from Austin with a new desire to exercise and to count my points. I feel like that accountability is going to keep the fitness train going!

So in conclusion: awesomeness is on the horizon. Stay tuned.

What Would Stephen Do?

Posted on February 24, 2014 by theffkid

I’ve never met Stephen Pagano.
I don’t know his whole life story or what his voice sounds like.

Like most of the fitness bloggers and personalities I “know”, I’ve taken bits and pieces from posts, Tweets and Instagram photos to craft what I know about them.

But when it comes to Stephen and his story, the numbers say plenty.

A few years ago, Stephen weighed 600 pounds and was only 5′ 6″. Like a lot of us, he had struggled with his weight for the majority of his life. In a 2013 Huffington Post article about him, he felt that his breaking point was when he started riding an electric cart around the grocery store. That’s when he knew he needed to make a change and then decided to change his approach to food.

Eventually, Stephen decided to join Weight Watchers and this weekend, he hit a pretty epic milestone…After running the Gasparilla 5k in the Tampa area on Saturday in under an hour (a goal of his), he weighed in on Sunday at Weight Watchers and recorded a 5.6 pound loss, which not only put him under 300 pounds, he hit the milestone of losing more than 300 pounds!!! He is officially half the man he used to be! HOW FREAKIN’ AWESOME AND EPIC IS THAT???????

After I saw his post yesterday, I was thrilled, inspired, proud and myriad of other emotions all at once. All I could think about was how much determination it took for him to make such a dramatic change in his life. I also thought about all those little changes he had to make to get to where he is today. All the tracking and all the smart decisions that he might have seemed menial at the time, but they added up to something spectacular.

When I was working out yesterday, I was thinking about doing some cardio even though I was pretty tired.
When I was walking towards my locker, it hit me…what would Stephen do? I thought to myself “Stephen would probably do a little more work.” So I did. And now I have this mantra, this personal reminder, to keep the main goal in focus at all times.

Today, I avoided the candy jar in my bosses’ office (sorry I’ve been eating all of your candy, Antron.)

During my group exercise class after work, I pushed it harder than I have in a long time and I did extra reps each set.

I yelled “GET BEHIND ME, SATAN!!!!!” to a Girl Scout trying to sell me cookies.

(Okay, that last one didn’t happen…)

Even my grocery basket looked different when I went shopping! I picked out healthy snacks that are zero points with Weight Watchers like oranges and carrots instead of chips.

In a day, I have had a more positive outlook on my weight loss journey than I’ve had in three months! All because I thought about Stephen Pagano, a person I’ve never met.

I have no clue if Stephen and I will ever meet. But even if me viewing his weigh-in post is the only interaction I have with him, it has made a massive impact on my own journey when I truly needed some inspiration. And that’s what makes this online weight loss community so amazing.

I know this isn’t the end of his journey, but I hope he knows he has another cheerleader rooting for him who he inspires to think about the little things in during his journey.
Thanks for being awesome, Stephen.

Controlling the Foodie Beast Within: The Nathan MacDonald Story

Posted on February 20, 2014 by theffkid

It makes your skin crawl.
Your insides squirm. The hair on your back raises when you hear it calling.
You try to shake the feeling, but you are powerless.
Then you can’t take it anymore.
You yell into the dark night…

“I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE! I… MUST… HAVE… LOCALLY-MADE ARTISAN CHEESES AND GRASS-FED BEEF WITH ROOT VEGETABLES FROM THE FARMERS MARKET!!!!!”

Wait…what?

How many points is burnt cheese from a Lean Cuisine?

You see, my diet, like most Americans who are trying to lose weight, is at times stale and lifeless. During the week, my lunches consist of some nuked-up concoction of sodium and carbs with a few pieces of some chicken-like protein throw in. Let’s be honest, it’s hard to get jazzed about a Lean Cuisine on a Thursday when you’ve eaten the same thing every day. At that point, you’re ready for something different. Something…you might not always count or track…

It’s no secret that I’m kind of a food snob. Ironically, I didn’t hone in my food snobbery or my killer BBQ skills until years into my weight loss journey. (Here’s a photo of a brisket I smoked last month. I carry a photo of it in my wallet like it’s my child.) Probably because pre-weight loss, I would just eat anything and in large quantities. But with this great power, comes the need for greater willpower. How can I control this foodie beast inside that craves rich a delicious food, you ask? Well, for the past few months, I haven’t. It wouldn’t be as much of an issue if I would control my portions, but that’s a whole issue of it’s own that I’m dealing with.

I guess my biggest problem is that when you are on the go for so much of your week (like your average young professional/doctoral student power couple are), it’s easy to lust (yes, lust) after the idea of a meal that took longer than 3 minutes to make in the microwave. But it’s more than the food, it’s having the time to sit down with your significant other and talk and enjoy a meal at a table, not a desk. Since I think of it in that context, it’s hard for me not to want to make the most of those meals and experiences.

What I’m realizing now is that I need balance. I mean, Megan and I still make a TON of delicious and recipes from websites like Skinnytaste, but sometimes a rich cheese and meat plate just sounds better. Thankfully with Weight Watchers, this balance can exist. The flex points are there for those meals where you want to indulge (but not cheat) within reason. However, they are only really there if you actually count. This next week, I’m going to bat for perfection. I’m going to try to count my points as closely as possible. Not so I’ll see a loss on the scale, but for a gain of control on my eating. It’s important for me because the week after, I’m going to my personal food mecca: Austin, where BBQ and Tex-Mex flow freely, for an entire week for SXSWedu. I am well aware of the challenges that delicious trip will bring, but I also know that I have the opportunity to make a healthy choice wherever I go.

I’m treating this approach as an exercise and a test in my self control. I really don’t know what the end result will be. But I feel that it will make myself be even more judicious with my points and the decisions I make.

What do you think about this approach to Weight Watchers? Does this seem feasible?
Am I crazy?
Have you taken this approach? If so, how did it go?

Weigh In And My Rough Patch

Posted on February 11, 2014 by theffkid

A week ago, my blog post about Rachel Frederickson and the Biggest Loser went viral like a boss. I ended up with 5,177 views, which blew my puny 90 views the day before out of the water. Well that was pretty cool :).

After the Tallahassee Half, my weight was up. Really up. So it wasn’t really the best time to weigh in. I was up to 251.6. Yikes. Haven’t seen a five in a long time. I knew that number was going to come down, but truth be told, I was terrified that it wasn’t going to go back down.

So instead of tucking my head in the sand like I have been, I was proactive about my eating habits, specifically at night which is when my eating is at it’s worst. I started off with a good breakfast and a sensible lunch with free snacks like carrots in between. For dinner: a simple protein like chicken or steak (yes, steak) and as many veggies as possible. One night, we made this delicious beef and broccoli stir fry recipe from Cooking Light (check it out here!). I would finish my dinner with some chamomile tea for desert.

Simple enough of a day right? Sure, at least for the first day. The second day was a struggle and the third day was ended with shoveling down pepperoni pizza. My habits and will power feel like they are back to square one sometimes and that’s frustrating for how long/how far I’ve come along in this journey. (Don’t worry, I’m getting to the happier part…)

So after struggling those days with a few wins thrown in here and there, I was on my way to Disney to see my family! Hooray family! As most of us know, eating on vacation can be tricky. You have to go in with a pretty strict mindset if you want to keep your head above water. That’s exactly what I did. I picked grilled chicken over burgers, I drank a lot of water and coffee, I was conscious of what I was eating when we went to Ohana’s (Google and marvel at the deliciousness) and I ordered a fruit plate instead of ordering my favorite artery-clogging three meat breakfast platter at one of my favorite breakfast places. Oh, and I walked a bazillion miles! (You burn calories from screaming on roller coasters right?) I left Orlando with a feeling of a win under my belt. It was a good feeling knowing that I didn’t completely undo the work I had put in during the week. So on Monday, I weighed in at 245.8 which was a 5.8 pound loss. I’m happy and relieved with that number, but I know that there is a lot more to go. I’m sick of seeing a four instead of a three or a two. It’s hard to feel like I’m losing control which makes every meal harder and every decision a little tougher. All I can think about is eating and deciding what to eat. Then when I go to eat, I order nachos (head thump). It takes a lot of my energy which just sucks. I know I’m over-thinking this whole process because at the bottom line the process is simple: eat less, drink water, exercise, be patient.

That’s where I am. I know I’m in a bit of a rough patch, but I’m ready to just move on from here.

Have you been in a rough patch like what I’m talking about? How did you break through that funk? Advice is welcome and encouraged.

Meeting Bart Yasso and Tallahassee Half Marathon Recap

Posted on February 3, 2014 by theffkid

Hello!

Can you believe that it’s already February? It really puts in to perspective that time flies ~~when you’re having fun~~ whether you like it or not. January had a lot of high points, along with a lot of low points. But I’m not going to get in to that right now. The important thing is that I’m back on the upswing and I’m making slow progress on a lot of levels.

And with that, let’s talk about this epic weekend.

The last time I had ran before the Half on Sunday was Jan. 4th. Almost 30 days. I had done a lot of cross training, but not a solid run. So needless to say I was pretty nervous about this race because I knew I could have easily A) injured myself B) not finish or C) Both…because I had spontaneously combusted. I had every intention of running, but I didn’t make the time for it like I should have.

MEETING BART YASSO

Bart talking about a crazy race where he was tied to a donkey. Yes, that’s a thing apparently.

That leads us into Saturday, the day of the race expo. Even though I had been to the race expo last year, I felt incredibly insecure like I didn’t belong. Fun fact: sometimes fit people terrify me. Since I’ve gained this extra weight, I have felt incredibly uneasy at times and it’s been frustrating. All I knew was that one of my running heroes, Runner’s World’s Bart Yasso, was going to speak at the expo. A while back, I read his book My Life on the Run and it was incredibly inspiring to see the life-changing impact the sport of running had made on his life. It was oddly relatable to me because even before I started trying to lose weight, I loved running. My true journey really began on the treadmill at Anytime Fitness in Abilene, Texas. I remember going for an hour on it at a solid 3.5 mph while watching the Texas Rangers on the TV. It was hard, but I kept at it. Soon, I started running outside and then eventually, my first 5k. You see, your transformation doesn’t always start when you think it does. Sure I got my eating in order on 9/18/10, but I had already started to build a foundation of fitness about a year prior. For Bart, it was the transition from being addicted to drugs and alcohol to becoming a runner whose new drug was marathons and evangelizing for the sport of running across the globe.
Anyway, Bart got up and started his talk with three consistencies of the successful runners he knows/works with. They slow down on their long runs, go easy (surprisingly easy) on their easy runs, and they avoid injury at all costs (which I know some a unavoidable like tripping and running into parked cars, but you get the idea) which really all of those make a lot of sense. He went on to talk about some of the crazy races he’s ran like a marathon in Antarctica, a naked run in Spokane, Washington, and even the insanly baller Badwater Ultra in Death Valley that actually finishes on the top of Mt. Whitney, the tallest mountain in the Lower 48. He finished his talk with “never limit where running can take you” which is absolutely true. It was amazing just to hear him talk while staying incredibly humble about it all. It was truly inspiring. After his talk, I went up to him, asked him to sign my book, and took a photo with him. Pretty awesome guy. He actually ran the Half too and I shook his hand again after the race. Pretty awesome guy.

HALF MARATHON RECAP

Brian and I at the starting line. Too excited for our own good.

So like I said earlier, I was pretty worried about this race. My game plan was to just go out there, set a reasonable pace, and let instincts do the rest. I knew that a PR was lofty so I was going to just enjoy the run.
The morning was foggy, but cool. In Florida, foggy usually means an incredibly humid day, which meant this race could really suck. Luckily, my buddy Brian was also running the race so we ran together. I’ve kind of been a lone wolf when it comes to running, so it was nice to have some company! The race started promptly at 7:30 am and we were off. Last year, I started off waaaaaay too fast. My first mile last year was a blitzing 8:39. This year: 10:03…and it definitely played in to my favor. We kept a really solid pace for the first 4 miles together. We kind of did our own thing from then on. I saw a lot of work friends and friends from church along the course which was really encouraging. Around mile 10, I felt awesome, but I did the math in my head and figured that I probably wasn’t going to PR. So, I just enjoyed the last couple of miles. It turned out to be a beautiful morning on one of my favorite trails. That all came to a halt in the last half mile around campus. My legs started to feel like lead and each step was harder than the last. I finally reached the last .1 that went around the track where the finish line was. That is when my calves started to cramp up a little, which was awesome because last year they started cramping around mile 9.
I finished at 2:20:59 which is still a pretty awesome time. I felt waaaaaay better at the finish line compared to last year. I actually enjoyed this half. Why, because I paced myself a lot better this time. I kept thinking about that scene in Home Improvement when Tim and Bob Vila raced their muscle cars. Tim had the opportunity to beat Bob if he had pushed his car a little harder, but he know that if he did, the car that he had been working on for years would blow up. Instead, he held off to race another day. I thought a lot about how I essentially stopped running until October last year after burning myself out on such a brutal half. After a much needed rest day today, I could definitely run a few miles tomorrow and be okay. I’ve learned a lot from this half and I’m ready to start training for another one soon!

Here are a few more photos from the weekend. Enjoy!

And here’s something to haunt your dreams tonight.

Back to Sunday Basics

Posted on January 26, 2014 by theffkid

First, I want to thank you all for the love and support you showed me for after my somewhat cathartic and emotional video I posted last week. Sometimes, it’s just easier to talk it all out in a vlog in one take than to hide behind editing my thoughts. I have been quite the emotional wreck about my weight for the past month or two so talking it out that way helped me arrange my thoughts better. Now, I have a much better vision of where to go from here.

Which leads me to my next announcement…
Megan and I have decided to switch to eTools exclusively. We are now longer going to go to the weekly Weight Watchers meetings. While we liked our meetings, we have really benefited from the eTools and how resourceful it is. One of the issues we had was that the only meeting that worked for us was Saturday morning…which never really worked. Saturday mornings are really our only morning to rest during the week. That was also when we would do the majority of our long runs for training. Finally, we travel a lot on the weekends so we were missing a lot of meetings (aka losing money). And I have an amazing support system that was more powerful than any meeting: I have my readers and my friends. You all have been here from the very beginning and I love the support I get from you all. This decision took a lot of thought, and we weighed out the pros and cons thoroughly, but we both felt that this is the right course of action for the time being. Please note that this isn’t against our local Weight Watchers branch. Dee and the group at our Tallahassee WW branch is awesome, but this is just what we need to do right now.

So with that change, we have made a change back to a classic original. We are back to weighing in on Sundays. When this all began, we weighed in on Sundays on my scale. The special scale we had to buy because I wouldn’t fit on a regular scale. Even when we started WW in July, I was hesitant to not weigh in on my own scale…even though it was fairly accurate to the WW scale. There was just a comfort to it, and I could react how I wanted when I lost…or when I gained.

So today’s weigh in went…well it’s going in the right direction. I have lost 2.6 pounds this week. I’m down to 244 which is still high, but again, it’s in the right direction.

As far as tracking goes, I’m getting there. Today was an awesome day that even included a little indulging into some delicious cookies. I tracked them and moved on.

And that’s that. Another post full of big changes back to basics. I’ve spent too much time trying to expedite this process with different tricks, while in fact the basics helped me lose 120 pounds.

Time to get tracking.

See ya soon.

Day 1,205 Sunday Stuff

Posted on January 5, 2014 by theffkid

Fair warning: my fantastic Florida State Seminoles will be playing in the National Championship tomorrow night. Blogging may not happen, but I will be making healthy choices and running around like a crazy person all night because that’s what I do when I watch football.

Now that that’s out of the way…

So here’s what’s going on with the FFK! Weigh-in: Yesterday, we went to Weight Watchers for the first time since December 7th. At that point, I was down to 235.4 after a crazy Thanksgiving week of overeating. Well, the month got even crazier and involved a TON of stress eating and other craziness and while I exercised when over the holidays, I still got up to the 240’s (fudge is delicious.) On Saturday, I weighed in at 236.8. which is still high, but I’m one a killer hot streak of eating well. I finally have that “eating well” killer instinct back. It’s time to reach my goal weight.

Alright, so let’s talk about today’s healthy decisions!

Breakfast: I have been juicing and smoothie-ing like a crazy person ever since we got our awesome Nutribullet from Megan’s parents. For breakfast, I made a deliciously filling banana/kale/apple/carrot/superfood powder smoothie. So with WW Plus, fruits and veggies are no points so it’s only a 1 point smoothie because of the superfood powder. Some people say that you should count the points in the fruits and veggies in a smoothie. Any opinions on that, other WW members? Well, for now I’m counting it at a point because all it is was fruit, vegetables and water. And delicious. It was delicious too.

Lunch: for lunch, Megan and I went to one of the eight million pizza joints in Tallahassee (the joys of living in a college town!) and went to Joe Mama’s for lunch. The name is kind of deceptive. With a name like Joe Mama’s, you think it would be kind of a dive. Well, it’s actually pretty swanky and plays awesome blues music, along with a wood fire pizza oven. The last time we ate there, we both ate our own pizza, because pizza is our delicious kryptonite. Today, we just split a pizza and we were both super full. Holla! I figured out it was about 16 points.

Snack: I made 3 points of popcorn. YERM!

So today I got to 29 points out of 50. I have eaten well and more importantly very healthy today. If I get hungry, I will eat some snap peas or something. Time to go. Downton Abbey is on. See ya tomorrow.

Other Snack: before dinner, I made another smoothies THAT WAS FRUITASTIC!!! It was a blueberry/mixed berry/pineapple/banana smoothie that tasted a lot like the Razzmatazz smoothie from Jamba Juice without all the added sugar! 0 points but CRAZY filling!

Dinner: For dinner, Megan made pork chops and green beans. They were fantastic and that plate was only 9 points!

Day 1202: The Awesome Things That Happened On My Trip

Posted on January 2, 2014 by theffkid

I’m back and I’m ready to lose.
This is the year I hit my goal weight. It’s going to happen.
Now that that’s out of the way…

I’m going to do this post in a Buzzfeedesque style to describe this trip. Enjoy!

And now…

THE 18 AWESOME THINGS THAT HAPPENED ON MY TRIP!

1) Got a new iPhone 5s! (Prototype. Real phone was yet to be purchased. Thanks again Mom and Dad!)

2) Wore a Boy Scouts shirt from when I was in middle school.

3) This is the same shirt. (Circa 1998)

4) Ate (multiple) breakfast burritos at this awesome place.

5) Watched my brother-in-law graduate at my alma mater.

6) Sang “What’s Up” by 4 Non-Blondes with my buds Josh and Jeremy

7) Met Daniel the Baby!

8) Played with Shadow the Cat and Molly the Dog.

9) Played with Serena the Dog, and then got food poisoning (unrelated…I think).

10) Found out I raised $307 for Movember this year! (THANK YOU ALL FOR DONATING!!!)

11) Flew to Seattle and went to the top of the Space Needle

12) Went to Pike Place Market and did the touristy things like drink coffee at the original Starbucks and watch people throw fish; all while loving every minute of it.

13) Ate this delicious plate of sausage from Uli’s Sausage. (One of them was bacon sausage…#heartattack)

14) Helped cook this delicious ribeye roast.

15) Made Christmas cookies.

16) Grilled even more delicious meats.

17) Had a pack of wolves stare me down at the Woodland Park Zoo.

18) And flew back over Dallas on the way back to Tallahassee.

For more photos of my adventures, check out my Instagram account! See ya tomorrow.

Vacation Reflections (So Far)

Posted on December 17, 2013 by theffkid

Neither do people pour new wine into old wineskins. If they do, the skins will burst; the wine will run out and the wineskins will be ruined. No, they pour new wine into new wineskins, and both are preserved.” -Matthew 9:17

Since I have gotten off the plane on Wednesday, my inner foodie has been released like a gluttonous kraken. “YOU CAN AND SHOULD EAT ALL THE THINGS!” said my inner gluttonous foodie kraken. “YOU ARE ON VACATION SO YOUR BODY IS IMPERVIOUS TO CALORIES AND WEIGHT GAIN!”

This past weekend, I ate a lot. My meals were as followed:Friday: three meat plate of greasy BBQ
Saturday: greasy Mexican food from a place that I haven’t eaten at in four years
Sunday at lunch: even more greasy BBQ
Sunday at dinner: a fantastic burger with bourbon bacon onion jam and other greasy topping
Monday morning at 3:39 am: vomit central

I ended up getting food poisoning from one of these items. My guess is the medium-cooked fantastic burger. (I haven’t eaten a medium-cooked burger in a long time. I usually avoid undercooked ground beef unless it’s organic. Even then I’m a little leery.) But to me it was more than that. It was body saying “this is not you anymore. You can’t abuse me like that any more.” For most of my life, I lived with the consequences of becoming physically ill from food as long as it tasted good when I ate it. I wasn’t just addicted to food, I abused my body with it. That’s not me anymore. I’m not the guy that can clear a buffet, I’m the guy that tries to count his Weight Watchers points and makes healthy decisions. I’m the guy people don’t recognize anymore (that happened multiple times in Abilene). I’m the guy who has friends tell me how proud they are of me. I’m a new wineskin.