It’s so funny when you have an idea for a post, but then don’t know how to weave it in to your blog and then fate helps you out…whether you like it or not.

You see, I had this idea for a post about how the app Timehop can inspire someone to appreciate how far they’ve come along in life. I’m not just talking about fitness either. I look back at some of my old posts and think “wow, I’ve come a long way in four years…” (Grad school, marriage and a big-boy job will do that to you I guess.) But when I looked at my photo from a year ago, I had a complete inverse reaction.

A year ago today, I weighed 225.8 pounds. Essentially my lowest weight. At that weight, I felt fit. I felt comfortable. I felt normal. When I got on the scale this morning, I weighed 261.8 pounds. I have roller coastered my way up 36 pounds. Now granted, I haven’t been this heavy for the whole time. In fact, I was down to the 233 in January. But with vacations, an inordinate amount of stress this summer, and high level of complacency, I am letting the rope slip out of my hands as I am watching it all fall apart in front of me. I feel sick about that number. For the first time in three years, I am out of the “century club”. I will have to lose at least 5 pounds until I can say I’ve lost 100 pounds again.

After I got off the scale, I went through the stages of grief, but I didn’t pout and sulk for too long. You see all summer I’ve been out of whack. My eating has been the best it has ever been (I can make an epic low point salad) and then it was Obese Nathan bad (thirds on desserts, anyone?) My exercising was great and then lethargically terrible. Frankly, this past year has been a season of feeling just lost emotionally, physically and spiritually for me and I hate it. I somehow lost my focal point amid my new job and everything else. And maybe that’s been it, I have just been too busy to lose weight. When I say that, I say it knowing good and well it’s because I’ve replaced that time with eating out and binge watching TV, not counting points and going on long runs.

Whew, now that I have that inner-dialogue therapy session all written out…

After I got off the scale, I took freakin’ control of my life. I had a sensible breakfast, went to church, and came home and organized my life. For the first time ever on my own, I made a meal plan for the week. I didn’t give myself any wiggle room. I know I have at least two variables in my week, but that is it. Then, I went to the grocery store and bought everything I needed for the week. Again, nothing extra. I always get caught up by extraneous purchases because usually they are carbtastic so I binge the crap out of them. So since I can recognize my triggers, I need to set myself up for success by just abstaining from chips and crackers and other stuff like that. Anyway, I got home and cleaned up the kitchen so I can’t use the ol’ “oh no, there are three dishes in the sink. The kitchen is too messy to cook. Time to order a pizza!” excuse. Then I just cleaned around the house so I would have control of my spaces, instead of feeling helpless in my own house (I’m going to do the same thing with my office tomorrow.) Even those simple actions reduced my stress enough for me to feel calm and relaxed.

So here’s the deal. I’m going to try something a little different this week. A loooooong time ago, I used to track and post my points on the blog everyday. While that was awesome and helpful, it definitely got stressful and tedious for me because sometimes a screen is the last thing you want to see when you get home. So here’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to take a screenshot of my Weight Watchers app every day this week with my total points and post it to my Instagram account. It will help me actually track and it will hold me accountable to you, dear reader. Here is my tracker for today. For those of you tracking at home, I have modified my points down to 43 daily points because 55 is too many. When I made the transition from old to new, I went from 28 daily points to 54 so trust me, I’m not gaining because I’m not eating enough…

I kind of feel like I’m starting over again with this, but I really am. At the very beginning, I told myself that if I could pass the 6-week mark of tracking, then this would stick. Consider this week one. See ya on Instagram.