Have you ever felt like your life is just passing you by? That everything is going in fast forward and you have no control over anything?

That is exactly how I feel this week.

Job hunting is such a waiting game that makes me so frustrated, confused and frankly a little scared.

I know that something will work out and that the right door will someday open up, but in the meantime I am just excerified (yes, that is the combination of excited and terrified.)

With all that being said, I have felt really held back this week. For the first time in a long time, I feel fat. My the button-up shirt I’m wearing is pulling for the first time, I feel lethargic and I abso-freakin-lutely hate it. Well I should feel fat. I deserve to. I somehow gained 14 pounds on my vacation! What the crap? I mean yeah, I did eat a lot of BBQ, I did enjoy myself but 14 pounds? Are you flippin’ kidding me!?!?!?!?!?!?

Well, luckily (and I use that term loosely) a lot of that was retained water, so when I weighed yesterday (sorry about not posting last night. That was wrong and dumb.) I still am up 7.2 pounds from two weeks ago. This is not okay with me. What makes it even worse, I have no one else to blame but myself. I should cut my portion sizes in half, I should have exercised more, I should have done a thousand things differently. But there is nothing I can do it about it now except learn from it and move on. My addiction to bad (but delicious) food is still far from over. I need to keep at it. I have high goals for myself and I aim  to reach them and beyond. Time to get to work.

Breakfast: I had two servings of the always awesome Kashi Go Lean. Awesome and filling.

Lunch: I had the last SmartOne that we had in the freezer. It was okay, but not the best choice. The one delicious thing about lunch was eating cinnamon roasted almonds and biting in to an apple at the same time! It was awesome! It was a symphony of awesomeness in my mouth. Fantasticness.

Snack: I had some chips and a few wasabi peas. Nothing special

Dinner: Tonight we had Uncle Jim’s chili, but better. Last night, Megan soaked the beans instead of using canned. It made all the difference, it wasn’t near as salty as it usually is. It was even better with some rice, some cheese and sour cream, not to mention some fantastic green Tabasco sauce. Yumtastic.

Run Time: A little after dinner, I went on the first run of my 10k training. Tonight was a 4 miler and it was brutal. Thankfully, it wasn’t 97° outside like it was earlier today. The wind was cool and the humidity was low. I ran a new route tonight that I can’t wait to go run again. Like most trails in Tallahassee, it was hilly and beastly. So much sweat and some many calories burned (710 to be exact.) I love running, and even though my time was meh (48:30) it was a stepping stone for a better time soon. At this point, it’s all about building that endurance back up to where it was in the fall.

Oh, and one more thing… celery is awesome.

So that was my day. A lot of highs and lows but it ended well. Tomorrow should be better. It always is. See ya tomorrow.