Today I went to the food trough that I share the same last name with (except I spell it right) and of course since it’s the summer every mom and their offspring are there. Today I wasn’t in a huge rush or anything but all I really wanted was to eat without any real annoyances, of course that was too much to ask.

As I walked in I was confused because I thought I was walking in to a McDonald’s not a Bjork concert where someone is throat scraping her as she does that yell singing thing she does . Anyways as I try to order my McDouble through the moaning and gnashing of baby teeth, I try to find a seat that is isolated from the noise: it did no good. Although I was a good 20 feet away from the closest single mother, her child’s yelping echoed through the halls of the establishment. What idiot architect thought it would be advantageous to build low ceilings in a place full of ear piercing brats? I guess they didn’t have my foresight. Now as I keep eating I’m watching this obvious rookie mom keep hitting her kid when he gets out of his chair and then hitting them again when he cries. Really? Lady, hes not the mute button on the remote. I know that probably works in your shanty trailer park but you cant do that in public. They put people in jail for doing that to their dogs.

Anyways, I finished my burger and left thinking “the next time my wife wants kids I’m taking her here and that should hold her at bay for…ever.” Then I also thought “So if McDonald’s was the birth control, would that make Chuck E. Cheese the Row v Wade of resturaunts?” Yes. Yes it would.