Since this is the, according to the Zombies, the seaon of loving, I thought I would give you some stellar wedding ideas. When I say ideas I really mean things to avoid. PLEASE NOTE: if you got these for my wife and me as a gift, it’s not intentional and we a deeply grateful and I’m being a tool for the sake of comedy, or whatever this is.

Today we were cleaning and rearranging our house for company coming in tomorrow and we moved our couch. As under most couches, there was a myriad of wrappers, drinking glasses and roaches. Anyways about drinking glasses, we got like 3 sets of glass tumblers. They are nice but they could be mistaken for paper. Well today we found almost a whole set and we ended up shattering 2 of them. Now if you have ever broken a glass, sometimes you get lucky and it breaks in to 4 parts or something. Not these bad boys. Evidently these tumblers were forged from the fiery pits of Mordor and were then verbally abused by some nicer glasses from Macy’s and then were dipped in gunpowder for fun. As the tumbler fell out of my hand, we had pieces everywhere, burying themselves all across our living room, all 15 square feet of it. Now I’m sure that it wouldn’t be so bad if it wasn’t concrete right under our carpet, but since that is the standard for most newlyweds cottages, we don’t live in houses that are suitable for those glasses. I guess our marriage isn’t mature enough for said tumblers.